Today marks exactly one year since I was discharged from hospital. I’ve already written about my time in York District so I am now reflecting on how much has changed over the last twelve months. Life certainly hasn’t been like I thought and feared it would be. In fact, quite the opposite.

Firstly, I am under no illusion that I am “getting better” as many people comment when they see me. Unless there is a miraculous scientific breakthrough very soon I will never be a fully functioning human being but, then again, I don’t believe I ever really was in the first place!

However, I have definitely improved my life in a number of ways since my discharge. I have consciously got rid of all the negative people and drainers from my social circle. I recommend this to anyone. These types of individuals will bring you down with them. Narcissists and sociopaths do not make good companions or associates. I don’t sit at my desk reading crap on the internet all day anymore. I do my emails, browse social media and update my websites, then I go and do something more constructive. I read books, I listen to the radio or a CD instead of watching banal daytime TV (however I still enjoy my guilty pleasure, ‘Homes Under The Hammer’). I have decluttered my possessions. With the help of some wonderful friends, I have disposed or donated to charity half a garage full of things I will never use again. It’s fair to say it was a ruthless cull that was orchestrated by me, but executed mainly by ‘Vickie The Merciless’, who is a highly efficient organiser and gets on with things. She is very good for me because I am a natural hoarder and collector, especially when it comes to books. I’m getting used to having fewer possessions. It’s less stressful to have fewer things to worry about if anything happens to me.

The main thing that we all need in order to be happy is to learn to love ourselves. I’ve spent many years both hating and punishing myself accordingly. Again, with the help of my wonderful friends (see, I mentioned them again) and the amazing Vickie (my very own Debbie McGee), I now love – not in a self indulgent way – and respect myself and have discovered that my confidence and self esteem has returned. A few weeks ago I proclaimed to an old friend that “Brad is back!”, to which he replied “yes, but a much happier version than any Brad I can remember”.

I really enjoy helping people when I can. I strongly believe in karma and the concept of being paid back in other ways. Helping others doesn’t just mean giving them a hand with the shopping or putting the rubbish out, it can be as simple as listening to someone who has a problem, or offering advice and guidance, maybe give help writing a letter or signposting them to find the right place to go for assistance when you can’t do it yourself. It’s very rewarding and gives me a great dopamine boost to know I’ve made a bit of a difference to someone’s day and hey, I need as much bloody dopamine as I can get!

The main thing I have started to do again is what you are reading now. I have got back into writing after years of having no muse or any hint of creativity. I tend to ramble and type as I think, but I find it therapeutic and enjoyable. I will write the book one day…

So, in conclusion, I am not getting better, I’m getting wiser and happier.

A year ago I never imagined I’d be happy again.