I’ve had an idea for a television programme: “Around the World in 80 Shakes” – a travel vlog where Vickie and I traverse the globe, but I only have enough meds for 80 days, therefore planning and attention to detail is paramount. I don’t want to even imagine arriving in Mogadishu to find that Parkinson’s hasn’t been invented in Somalia yet. Also, I pointed out to Vickie that it sounds like the type of primitive nation that only serves Strongbow cider. So, I really must stress the importance of careful planning and preparation. FTP, PTF!

Other aspects of the programme include a daily digest where Vickie sits around a camp fire looking rather dishevelled and world weary, getting occasionally tearful as she describes the day just gone, and the difficulty and mental anguish of travelling with a man who is so fussy about the cider he can get, as well as having a lifelong neurological disease.

NB: Narrator TBC. Preferred candidates include Paddy Considine, Tony Robinson and Anneka Rice. Wincey Willis was on my shortlist until Vickie reminded me that she was dead. It all depends on whether the BBC or C4 commission the show. If it’s the Beeb I may have to settle for Freddie Flintoff or the gay Welsh bloke off Homes Under The Hammer.

In other news, yesterday I discovered a new mineral nutrient called “Orcol”. I also had a fish fried by Eugene Levy and served on a massive plate (approximately the size of one of those dark green plastic garden tables with cigarette burns that you see outside low income homes all year round). The fish was rammed with Orcol, however there were no chips because Eugene didn’t know they were supposed to accompany battered fish. Despite this minor setback, each portion of fish was accompanied by a nice white microfibre cloth. I folded mine up and put it in my pocket for cleaning my glasses with.

That’s all for now. Wordle time…

How are you?